I got this
I like to think of myself as one of those super competent people. I have a full time job, and several part time gigs. I have everything under control.
Because of the chronic busy-ness of our increasingly complex 24/7, work all the time, have all your ducks in a row culture, I get anxious when every aspect of my life is not going as smoothly as I’d like.
To add insult to injury, I’m terrible at asking for help. Terrible at accepting it when it’s offered. Terrible at reaching out to other people when I’m upset, terrible at delegating and giving over control of “my” responsibilities.
I got this. And if you let me, I’ll try to “get” all of yours as well.
Underneath, I’m terrified of admitting defeat. Terrified that I DON’T have this after all.
Maybe I’m a control freak. Insert canned laughter here.
I lived alone for most of my adult life and didn’t move in with a boyfriend until 3 years ago, at age 48. I was very much accustomed to doing it all myself.
But, this year, I had a ( goddammit fucking) (can you tell i’m still processing it ?) hysterectomy.
And I had to re-evaluate my relationship with receiving help. It was beyond humbling.
I moved to Florida three years ago, and since two of those years were CovidTimes, I only have a handful of local supports. But, the people I know here, and so many of my friends, stepped up and stepped up BIG.
Because I let them know that I needed help. For the first time in my life, I told people that I was overwhelmed and scared.
I have the vaguest, foggiest, druggiest, memory of the recovery room. Of C wheeling me out of the hospital and helping into the car, helping me into the house. Washing my face. Washing my feet. Many days followed of having to ask for help with every little thing.
The people I shared this struggle with, sent beautiful lovely things to my home. Flowers and crystals and books and spell candles, homemade soaps, homemade food. Bagels from NYC. I was flooded by generosity.
All because I asked.
I’ve learned that accepting help strengthened my relationships.
I don’t HAVE to do it all by myself. I’m not “stronger” for insisting that I can do it all alone.
I’m stronger, happier, when I let love in. When I can be strong enough to show my vulnerability and receive.
That’s been my favorite mid-life lesson so far.
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Love,
Kate
#fearlessoverforty #mentalhealth #selfcare #genx #midlife #womeninmidlife