The Joy of Failing
Whenever I have started working towards a big dream, the fear of failing is always lurking in the back of my mind. What if I flop ? Can I survive the embarrassment ? Can I survive the disappointment ?
But, the truth is, all of my greatest periods of growth have followed a massive failure.
I lived to tell the tale of my fail.
The greatest lessons I learned about failing came from when I was performing burlesque.
Case in point: About 10 years ago, I got invited to perform at a fancy opera house, with a live band. I was extremely excited. It was a big crowd and I felt incredibly VALIDATED by being asked to perform. It was a fancy ass important show. So obviously I must be a fancy ass important performer.
I didn’t know it at the time, but my 42 year old body was already going off the rails. My periods were always a little wonky but after I turned 40s they got wonkier still.
As I stepped onto the 100 year old baroque stage, in my pale pink, glittery costume, I felt a familiar cramping in my lower abdomen. Usually that was just a warning sign for me, to expect my period in the next few days.
OH BUT NO. I bled. On stage. On my pale pink costume. In that gorgeous old theater. In front of a full house. While a 12 piece band played behind me.
There was no saving it. No transforming myself into Courtney Love and making it into a crazy punk rock performance art piece. I just did my best to cover my lower half with my fans and slink off the stage while dying of shame.
I braced myself to be “spoken to” by the extremely serious and professional producer. Surely she was going to read me the riot act for allowing such a disaster to happen at her gorgeous high ticket event.
To my shock, she walked past me, squeezed my shoulder and said, “That was beautiful”
She didn't even notice.
Let me repeat that.
Neither SHE (nor presumably the 250+ people in the audience) noticed that I was bleeding out of the bottom half of my body.
That was the absolute worst thing that happened to me on stage, but I had plenty of other mishaps when I was performing.
I’ve tripped and fallen on my ass at least 3 times, I’ve gotten stuck in a costume piece (like dozens of times !), I’ve had music cut out. And probably many other “fails” that I’ve long since forgotten.
And failure did not limit itself to performing:
I’ve been dumped. I’ve lost jobs. I've lost friends. I’ve tried things and was terrible at them.
And guess what ? I survived.
What if we had permission to fail ?
What if failing was not that big a deal ?
What if we were able to let go of (perceived) mortification, get past our egos, and realize that we are okay !
Sometimes failing is the best possible outcome.
Failing is an opportunity. Failing brings us back to the drawing board and gives us the second (third, tenth, twentieth) chance to rethink our vision, re-evaluate our desires and re-examine our dreams.
Failing is actually a gift. And not to be feared.
And besides, no one really notices (or even cares)-
Pro tip-they are preoccupied with their own “fails”
It’s ok. You’re ok.
Get your butt off the ground.
Dust yourself off.
Go back to the drawing board and keep dreaming.
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Love,
Kate
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